


Heaven Waits (and Waits)

by SweetSamOfMine (AudreeJo)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s02e22 All Hell Breaks Loose, Episode: s08e01 We Need to Talk About Kevin, Gen, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 13:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2469323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreeJo/pseuds/SweetSamOfMine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean confronts Sam about not looking for him when he was in Purgatory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Waits (and Waits)

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was: sam confessing to dean that he'd been in heaven (cold oak death) before he was pulled out.

"Did you look for me, Sam?" Dean narrowed his eyes at his brother. Sam dropped his gaze.  "Good," replied Dean, curtly. Sam braced himself. "That’s  _good_. Now, we always told each other  _not_  to look for each other. That’s smart. Good for you.” Sam seemed to shrink with every sardonic syllable Dean spat. “Of course, we always  _ignored_  that because of our deep, abiding love for each another! But not this time, right, Sammy?”

Of course he’d use that name. It was an accusation, a reminder of all Sam’s obligations. And of course he’d bring up love, too. Dean may never actually say the words “I love you,” but he definitely liked to parade the idea around when he wanted to make Sam feel bad, and Sam caught the pattern. He knew it was coming. It didn’t stop it from working, though. Guilt gripped him all over. 

"Look," Sam croaked. "I’m still the same guy, Dean."

"Well, bully for you! I’m not." With that, Dean stormed past Sam and onto the front porch, the screen door slamming behind him.

Sam couldn’t believe how quickly this reuinion had gone sour. He thought of letting Dean’s outburst go, letting him cool down, then addressing it later, but Sam knew all that would do is allow it to simmer. He couldn’t bear the idea of this coming out in cheap shots and zingers at random times later on. 

_Let’s just get this over with now…_

"It’s not how you’re making this out," Sam said, joining Dean on the porch. "It’s not what you think."

"Yeah? Then what is it, man? Because from what I can tell, I was gone for a friggin’  _year_  and you did nothing about it!”

"That’s not true!" Sam’s voice grew louder. Dean’s eyes widened a bit in surprise. "You think it was easy to uphold our agreement? To let you go?" Sam’s breath began to grow heavy. "That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done!"

Dean rolled his eyes. “That’s a nonagreement, man! You know it and I know.”

"So the last thing Bobby told us,  _‘When it’s your time to go, go,’_  and the agreement you and I made with each other after that was just what? Bullshit?”

Dean blinked at his brother. “ _Yes!_ " 

Sam’s brows came together in frustration. He shook his head, taking in deep breaths to calm himself. It seemed he could never get it just right. 

"I was in Purgatory for a goddamn year, Sammy, and you wanna talk about how keeping your word was hard?" Dean laughed. " _C’mon…_ ”

Sam’s glare jumped to Dean’s face. “I thought you were dead, Dean,” he said in a menacing tone. “ _Dead_! There’s a big difference!”

"You’re right!" Dean shouted. "There  _is_  a difference. That actually makes it worse!” 

Sam glowered on. “If you were dead—”

"There is always a way," Dean continued. "You died, Sammy, remember? And I brought you back—!"

“ _Exactly_!” Sam roared. It shook the ricketty awning. Dean straightened up at the outburst, too surprised for an immediate comeback. Sam gathered himself and brought his voice back down. “That’s exactly right, Dean. I died, you brought me back, but you never asked what you brought me back from.”

"What the hell are you talkin’ about?" Dean muttered. 

Sam rubbed his hands up over his face, on into his hair, before dropping his arms to his sides in surrender. He stared at his brother as though Dean had caught him in some big lie. “I died at Cold Oak, yeah, you’re right. And at the time, you didn’t know that when we die, there’s a Heaven waiting for us, so,” —Sam’s voice wavered, but he went on— “So I  _know_ why you did what you did but—” 

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on." Dean stepped up to Sam, finger pointed towards Sam’s face, a bit of horror smeared into his expression where just a moment before was only smug indignation. "Are you tellin’ me that when I sold my soul to bring you back, they dragged your ass out of Heaven?"

"Yes," Sam admitted. He watched Dean’s face melt completely into shock. 

“ _And you never told me?_ " Dean asked, weakly, his eyes searching Sam’s face wildly for answers. 

"No!" Sam boomed. He refused to let Dean accuse him again. Not about this ”I did  _not_  tell you. I couldn’t do that to you, especially after I found out what you had given up to bring me back. But I know what it feels like to be at peace, completely at peace, Dean. And I know what it feels like to be torn out of it, too.”

Dean’s looked more and more like he might fall right over the longer Sam went on. 

"I never wanted you to feel guilty for bringing me back —you didn’t know, then— but maybe you knowing this, now, will help you understand why I held my end of our deal. I didn’t want to live without you, but I did it because I believed you were at peace. And I would sooner  _die_ than be the one to tear you out of that.”

The boys stared at each other for a charged moment. When Dean dropped his eyes to the ground Sam turned to reenter the house. “Welcome back,” hung in the air before the screen door slammed behind him. 


End file.
